


Halloween Short Stories 2018

by godlessAdversary



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Comedy, Corpse Party, F/F, F/M, Halloween, Horror, M/M, Murder, Sex, The Purge, cabin in the woods, murder party - Freeform, shaun of the dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:55:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godlessAdversary/pseuds/godlessAdversary
Summary: Murderstuck PartyA group of college artists make a murder party to impress an evil art collector, but little do they know that there’s going to be more than one victim.(This is the first story of this collection)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: There’s going to be deaths, sexual content and references to a game people didn’t ask for but it has been awesome so far. Where’s the next episode of Hiveswap, Hussie?!

Killers:

Chahut as a calm murderous clown

Ardata as a bloodthirsty vampire

Amisia as a gothic lolita

Zebruh as the guy that thinks Halloween is only for kids and is only on this for the ladies

Remele as a pirate queen

Galekh Xigisi as the guy that lost a bet with hid boyfriend and has to wear a chicken suit for 24 hours

 

Crowbar as the drug dealer/bodyguard

Jack Noir as the angry dog

And Lord English as himself

 

 

Maple Valley, Washington. October 31, 1990.

10:30PM

Some crappy warehouse close to the local community college.

 

Grandpa Harley’s POV:

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god!”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“What a waste.”

“Can I use his blood to paint now?”

 

Your name is Jake Harley, and you don’t know how you got into this situation. You just wanted to have some fun in the night of Halloween, but now you are in the middle of a horror movie scenario. Okay, don’t panic. Let’s recapitulate the events of today that let to your doom.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4:13PM

“Be careful out there, kids” You say to your kids, who are going for candy this afternoon.

Your older daughter ignores you and just runs out. She is wearing a veterinarian coat.

“Bye, Daddy!” Jude says while running with an an astronaut suit and a cardboard ship.

“Don’t worry about Joey, Mr. Harley.” Says the Cheshire Cat Roxy Lalonde. “She still loves you, but she really misses her mom.

“Yeah, me too. Keep them safe, Roxy.”

“Will do, boss.”

“Roxy, I am stuck!” shouts Jude, who just fell to the side and can’t move.

“Gotta run fast.”

 

Since Anna died you have depended on Roxy to care for the kids while you are busy at work, and now you finally have free time you feel that you have alienated yourself form your kids.

“What am I going to do now?”

You walk to your mansion and mentally plan your Halloween routine for the night: watch some adventure movies, possibly Indiana Jones, eat safe candy that don’t have peanuts, and maybe pass some times with your special blue lady in your room hubba hubba. However, while you are thinking about dirty things, you accidentally step over a letter on the ground?

“Huh?”

You pick up the strange gothic envelope and open it. Inside there’s a letter that says: “MURDER PARTY, CHARLES DUTTON STREET 612. BRING SNACKS.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ardata’s POV:

“Are you sure this is going to work?” asks the midget with the lolita dress.

“Are you doubting me? This plan is fools proof.”

“I am starting to doubt everything we are doing.” Says the guy with the chicken suit. “Are we seriously going to commit a murder?”

“Of course, that is why we planned this for weeks.”

“Besides,” interjects your cousin with the eye patch. “Whoever comes here is obviously so dumb that they deserve to die.”

“That’s what I am talking about!”

For 2 months you and your art collective have been working for a mysterious art collector that is interested in the macabre and obscene. He promised your group a grant of 1,000,000 dollars in exchange for an art piece that surpasses expectations, but with time he wasn’t satisfied with everything you sent him. He wanted something more transgressive, and his idea for the greatest art transgression was for a ritualistic murder on the day of Halloween. To be honest, you aren’t into gorey things and you only want the money to pay for your studies and buy some weed, but if the fame of this guy is true, you are going to be able to buy filet mignon every day until the harsh reality of the art career settles in.

“Just to clarify, I am here as a supporter of the fine arts.” Says the annoying fuckboy in the corner. “I respect the performance, the sweet paint brushes, the-“

“You aren’t getting laid tonight, douchebag.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, ungrateful asshole. I was talking to this beauty of big muscles and an majestic bosom.”

Chahut flips him the finger and continues painting on the floor. That girl scares you.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. The party has started.


	2. Muderstuck Party Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was Grandpa Harley's hobby again? Something about butterflies?

**Ardata’s** **POV:**

“Let’s see who our guest of honor is.”

You search in the pockets of the old man disguised as Indiana Jones and find his wallet and… a pack of bullets?!

“Goddammit, Ardata! Did we kidnapped a cop?!” Amisia is pacing around nervously. “I am too young to go to prison!”

“Me neither!” Shouts the fuckboy. “I already got problems with that sexual harassment restriction order from Chixie! My dad is going to be so mad!”

“Shut up, you idiots! Maybe he is just an NRA supporter or some shit. Let’s see. ‘Jake Harley, age 58, blood type-‘ wait, isn’t he the guy that owns the new communications company, Skaianet?”

“I told you this was a bad idea!” says Galekh. “I should have stayed at home with my boyfriend, but noooo, we had to 1)kidnap a famous person, and 2)plan his murder! This isn’t the type of extracurricular experience I was looking for when I joined this club.”

“1)This isn’t a club, this is an art collective, and 2)you are a pussy. The risk is the same as always, we just need to get rid of the body in a safe way once Lord English awards us the big grand. I am not losing all that money just because you got the urge to go suck a dick.”

“So, are we going to flail the geezer?” You all turn to look at Chahut, who is busy splashing some red paint on her painting. “Sweet tits, motherfuckers.”

You have to remind yourself again why you asked the giant creepy woman to join your collective. Oh right, she is the only one here with actual artistic talent. Remele is a painter, but she has no artistic integrity and just paints stuff that already exist and modifies it; Amisia is the one with resources, but has no talent at all; Zebruh is a liberal arts major just because he thought he could get chicks in that career; and you are the head of everything and the pretty face. These chums would be lost without you.

“Hey, this guy actually has a gun.” You heard Zebruh say. “Oh, this thing seems pretty old. Must be part of his stupid costume.”

Zebruh starts spinning the old gun like in those cowboy movies, and even though it seems cool, you remember that there were bullets in the old man’s pants.

“Mr. Codakk, I suggest you leave that weapon where it was.”

“C’mon, chicken man. Do you really think I am going to get hurt with this-“

 

**Grandpa Harley’s POV:**

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god!” Screams the vampire lady with blood over her dress. She seems to be hyperventilating and. “Oh my god he actually died!”

“This wasn’t supposed to happen!” the chicken man is running in circles and leaving a trail of feathers on his path. “I should have been with Tagora, not here! This is the worst decision ever!”

However, you notice that three of your kidnappers aren’t scared by the corpse with the shattered skull. The little girl takes a brush and splashes it with the blood on the floor and gives a little evil smile to you.

“What a waste.” The pirate girl shrugs at the scene. “But I must admit this looks like one of those ‘mangas’. I didn’t knew brain matter looked so… fascinating”

“Can I use his blood to paint now?”

The giant clown woman stops painting and turns around to see the corpse. Her apathetic face turns into a face of surprise.

“You actually did, motherfuk-“

To the surprise of everyone, the doorbell ringed. You are scare shitless by the evil antics of these insane youngsters, and you certainly don’t want to meet any more friends of them.

“Cousin, what do we do know. If Lord English sees this-“

“I am thinking about that, Remele! Think, think, think… Hey, clown and midget! Hide the corpse in the trash container. If English asks why there’s blood and brain pieces on the floor, we will tell him it’s part of the scene for the sacrifice. Now, go you idiots.”

The clown and the small girl take the corpse of the guy that shoot himself with your gun and put it in the trashcan next to you. You are used to the smell of dead animals, but dead humans smell horrible.

“Honk.”

“What is that?”

The vampire girl opens the door and looks scared.

“He is already here.”

“HONK!!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's face it, nothing of value was lost in this chapter.


	3. Vriska of the Dead Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska, Terezi and John are in a polyamory relationship, but after ruining an attempt at an actual date that doesn't involve a certain bar, John decided that he had enough with Vriska's slacker attitude.
> 
> (Murderstuck party will be continued later).

Vriska of the Dead

Somewhere in Great Britain.

A non specific community where Edgar Wright could make a trilogy of movies based from the colors of an ice cream brand.

 

**Vriska’s POV:**

“Are they still there?”

“Yep.” says your sister. “Sweet Jegus, how did Kanaya dealt with zombies again?”

“When had Kanaya ever fought zombies?”

“She is really good at call of duty’s zombies.”

Outside the house there were two decomposing zombies trying to scratch the door, and in the bathroom upstairs you had a naked and undead Feferi. What a waste of a nice ass.

“Wanna see tv while we wait for this to be over?” You ask Terezi.

“Okay.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most of the local channels aren’t available, but the BBC is currently active and there’s a news reporter talking about the zombie outbreak.

 

“The current pandemic has been contained in most of the world, thanks to the help of scientists from different medical organizations and the fast actions of the military forces of every democratic nation. However, because of a campaign of misinformation in social media people in small towns of the UK aren’t able to go to the safe zones and receive medical help. There’s even a trolling group telling people that the zombies aren’t real, or the trending phrase #zombiesarepeople.”

“Wow, who would believe people in 4chan would doom us, right Terezi?”

“Aha, whatever you say, sis. Get rekt normies!”

You look at Terezi’s phone and she is posting pics of the zombies with doggie ears and snouts and tags like #zombiesarepeople. “What? I am bored.”

“The United Nations have sent a special task force to deal with the undead threat in the UK, but there has been little progress since conservative authorities are actively trying to block humanitarian aid because of their new anti European Union policies of 2016. Scotland on the other hand is asking for help and also asking to get separated from the quote “British Zombieland” unquote.”

While all this political commentaries are funny on hindsight, you also remember something important.

“JOHN!!!!!!!!”

“Sis, I was paying attention to the news. Apparently conservatives don’t want to believe that Donald Trump is a zombie now. #zombiepresidentfor2020 #notmyzombie.”

“Terezi, John is probably stuck in his house with his dumb friends, and also mom is alone with that white pervert. We have to save them!”

“Wow, calm your tits. I know why we have to save mom, but Egbert? He broke with you yesterday.”

“I still care about him!”

“Didn’t he said you were a sociopathic bitch with a narcissistic disorder and that mocks disabled people?”

“Yes, but where’s the lie?”

“Good point.”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, what’s the plan?” Terezi asks.

“Right.”

Imaginary fast montage happens.

“ ** _We take Feferi’s car, drive it home to mom’s, we go in, take care of Scratch_** (“I am not sorry Scratch”) ** _, then we grab mom, we go over to John’s place, pull up, have a cup of tea and wait for all of this to blow over._** ”

“Dude, I don’t want to go Egbert’s house. It’s full of jesters and his dad pranked me a lot the last time we were there. Worst day to try to do a threesome.”

“What do you suggest?”

“I just want us to go to a place with a bathroom and where I can vape.”

" _ **Okay-** **take Feferi’s car, drive it home to mom’s, go in, deal with Scratch**_ (“I really don’t regret this”) _ **, grab mom, go over to John’s place, pick him up, bring him back here, have a cup of tea and wait for all of this to blow over.**_ ”

“Perfect.”

“No no, we can’t bring John and mom here.”

“Why not?”

“This place isn’t safe with all those zombies roaming around, and I don’t want mom to look at the trash place we rented with her money. Where’s safe? Where’s familiar?”

“Where can I vape?”

Suddenly, an idea shines up in both of your heads in a cartoony way.

“ _ **Take Feferi’s car, drive it home to mom’s, go in, kill Scratch**_ (“How can you endure many punches to the head?”) _ **, grab mom, go over to John’s place, go to Margarita Land, have a glass of margarita and wait for all of this to blow over. How is that for someone that failed college?**_ ”

“Yeah, girl!”

“To everyone that is watching this channel, stay in your homes and wait for the task force to save you. Do not get out of your homes. Do not. Get out. Of your Homes. DO. NOT. GET OUT. OF. YOUR. HOMES.”

“Stupid analogue tv is glitching again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you thought I was going to say Winchester's? That is the surprise of the day. Sometimes you don't get the full reference, and sometimes you don't get the second act of Hiveswap. Life isn't fair. And with life isn't fair I mean Hussie doesn't know how to administrate his own schedules and legal documents. Life is fair to be honest. It's just that some people suck at their jobs. I don't. Do I suck at my job? Do I even have a job? Now I scared myself.
> 
> Extra note: Whoever tells you life isn't fair is a jerk that likes to sound edgy.


	4. The Culling Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what is a worse family tradition that stuffing corpses and putting them on display when you are raising kids? Well, a genocidal purge of course.

Every year there’s a tradition. A dark and sick tradition where one night every year all crime is legal. Well, not all crimes are legal. There’s still laws protecting the members of the political party in power, and laws that forbid the selling of rocket launchers and other type 3 weapons. This whole night isn’t for those that would like to steal a Playstation 4 or smoke weed, but for those that want to “purge” poor people because of a social darwinist ideology. What kind of evil government would allow this atrocity of a crime against humanity each year? Was it Donald Trump? Mike Pence? The alt right? Not really.

The answer is CLOWNS! It all started with message boards and Reddit discussions, but once everybody got tired of casual racism and political memes, the clowns took over social networks with their swag and their mediocre hip hop music. Soon there were YouTube channels with tutorials about how to paint your face and online discussions about the difference between a jester and a harlequin. Eventually, the clowns got into the political spotlight and entered the presidential campaign with their candidates Violent Jay and Shaggy 2 Dope, who promised the clowns of the United States that they would MAKE HIP HIP COOL FOR THE FIRST TIME, which made weird hats with the MHHCFTFT sell somehow. These guys don't seem aware of the existence of Hamilton so far.

Now you may ask how a group of clowns caused a dystopia on the levels of 1984? Well, they had help from someone that wanted a big “spoon” of power, and with Guy Fieri as their appointed judge of the Supreme Court they literally took a shit over the US Constitution. This was the start of a worse legal conflict than the Trump/Kavanaugh fiasco in 2018, but this time there wasn’t anyone to impeach these three evil men because somehow the clowns entered congress and passed secret laws that allowed for the establishment of the New Founding Fathers’ party, which would rule with an iron fist and a red nose.

Civilization was good while it lasted, folks.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Seatle, Washington.

March 21, 2028

 

**Xefros’ POV:**

“Is the coast clear?”

“There’s movement on the right, boss.”

Your boss points his rifle in the direction of the movement, but before he can shoot a cat just comes out and runs away.

“One can’t be too careful, Xefros. Who knows if the next moving shadow is going to be a purger. I fucking hate purgers.”

For the past two hours you two have been barricading yourselves in The Tetrarch’s house and keeping the perimeter free of any guys wearing clown makeup. So far you have only seen a naked guy running around and one girl stealing car decorations.

“Seriously, I bought tons of ammo for tonight and there’s barely any activity on this street. What is the point of fighting the tyranny of clowns if we can’t kill them?”

“Well, look at the bright side, boss. Our friends already spread the word of the resistance, and our friends from the Jade Brigade are already helping treat the injuries of the victims.”

“I hope Bronya is okay. She may not like it, but she is a rebel now.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tyzias’ POV:**

“Map, checked. Gun, checked. Medkit, checked. GPS-“

“Are you looking for something?”

You turn around and see your wife holding your GPS device.

“You aren’t going anywhere tonight.”

“Stelsa, please...”

“We are safe here. The walls of our apartment can withstand bullets and fire. There’s no need to go outside where you can die.”

“I have to.”

“You don’t owe those people shit! You don’t know them and you are willing to risk your life for them? I am your wife, I know you like the palm of my hand!”

“If you don’t understand, then you don’t know me.”

You open the door and walk outside.

“Honey, wait!”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tegiri’s POV:**

Your world is pain and anger. Tonight you are the beast that feasts on the corpses of your enemies defeated on the battlefield. You are the revenge of the souls of the fallen and the sword of justice. This is the night you will make them pay for what they have done. They took away something precious to you, and you wouldn’t stop until the heads of your enemies roll on the floor. They will regret the moment they decided to mess with Tegiri Kal-

“Dad, I am going out to purge some bullies.”

“Don’t forget your sweater son.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Bronya’s POV:**

“We need morphine for the guy on bed 5, there’s a woman suffering from an hemorrhage on bed 7, and this old man in bed 13 has a broken leg! Hurry! Hurry!”

Being a paramedic during a purge is hard and nobody understands. You started this brigade as a humanitarian group to help during purges, and so far you have saved the lives of many people and lost some in the process. It’s not helping your cause the resent appearance of strange injuries.

“Bronya, look at this!” says Lynera.

This guy has a clown pin stuck in his back. It seems to have a hidden switchblade that is stabbing the guy.

“Fucking clowns.”


	5. Murderstuck Party Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artists can be a little bit insane, but these guys really have issues.

**Grandpa Harley’s POV:**

“HELLO, MOTHERFUCKERS! Here comes the one you were waiting for. THE ONE AND ONLY LORD ENGLISH!”

A guy with a green cairo overcoat and a scepter walks into the room and suddenly the atmosphere feels tense. These crazy youngsters that tied you to a chair and gagged you seem either scared or bowing to this guy like some sort of king.

“Greetings, your grace.” The vampire girl takes his hand and kisses it like some servant.

“My my, you are the educated one, darling. You must be Ariata.”

“Actually, my name is…”

“Yeah yeah. Oh my, YOU ACTUALLY KIDNAPPED SOMEONE?! I am impressed. CROWBAR, COME HERE, MOTHERFUCKER!”

A guy with a green suit enters too and he is accompanied by a black dog on a leash. The dog has a scar on it’s face and looks at you as some potential prey.

“Say, Ariata, I want to consult with you guys what do you think we should do with our guest? HE LOOKS SO SCARED AND COULD DIE FROM A HEART ATTACK.”

“Well…”

The vampire girl runs to a camera standing in a room and starts pressing some buttons in an Apple Macintosh. If you survive this horror story you are seriously going to create a better computer with a cooler logo.

“I-I have been thinking about filming the torture of the old man and spreading the files through floppies as a new way of creating snuff films. The internet seems like the perfect place for this new form of art.”

Is this what young people do today? Watch other people suffer for fun?

“Interesting. YOU! The one with the chicken suit. WHAT DO YOU HAVE?”

“Well… I got this tattoo gun from an acquaintance and had been thinking that we could cover the guy’s body with some complex computers patterns to symbolize the dehumanization through technological consumption.”

If this is how the animals you kill feel when you hunt them for trophies, then you are swearing off hunting. Probably.

“Too abstract. I NEED MORE FRESH IDEAS!”

The little girl walks to him carrying a wood ax and a paint bucket.

“I have been thinking that we can use him as a sustainable blood source to paint the walls of the arts building while everybody is at the Halloween Party in the next building. That will teach those hipsters about true art.”

You are probably going to pee your pants if you hear more ways of torturing and killing you.

“EXCELLENT! This one gets it. It isn’t the technology or the message, BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING ACTION! I NEED MORE EXPRESSIONS OF ART!”

“I will just make a painting of his dead body.” Says the pirate girl.

“I don’t care.” Says the clown girl. “Maybe put a dildo in his ass and set him on fire?”

What is wrong with these people?!

“You are thinking too much about this. Art in itself isn’t some postmodern thingy. IT’S RAW EMOTION AND PERFORMANCE! That is why the best form of act should be an improvisation, in this case the act of murder. We will wait until midnight, when the witching hour happens, AND EACH OF US WILL STAB, MAIM AND BUTCHER THIS JACKASS WHATEVER YOU THINK IT WILL WORK! But before that, what if we order some pizza. Want some pizza, Crowbar.”

“Whatever, boss.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Ardata’s POV:**

“Oh yes yes yes!!!!”

“You are a dirty bitch!”

“I am a dirty bitch!”

You fall to the ground after you climax. This wasn’t in your plans, but you know understand why this English guy is so famous.

“This was quite entertaining. I may consider giving only you the grand depending on your performance tonight.”

He slaps your butt and walks out of the closet room.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Remele’s POV:**

What a bitch. You know she just fucked the rich guy to get extra points and possibly all the money. The money is the only reason you joined this collective and you aren’t going to lose it to a jerk with no talent.

“Hey, Chahut.”

“Yes?”

“I heard Ardata is planning to kick you out of the collective.”

The creepy giant turns to you expressionless.

“Yes, she said to me that she doesn’t like your drawings and considers your work childish.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I do love your art style. I am just telling you in case she tries to throw you in front of the train. She is the one that persuaded all of us to come to this creepy place, and I just saw her come out of the closet with English.”

“Hey, what are you telling my girlfriend!”

The midget walks to you and looks furious.

“If you think you can manipulate her with sweet words you are wrong!”

“Oh, don’t think you aren’t going to be expendable too. Once Ardata wins all the money she wouldn’t need you, or any of us.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Trust me, when the time comes she will find a new rich girl to do all the heavy work and buy expensive art products. She has done this many times, and she will get rid of me too once I am not worth her time.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Somewhere in Mapple Valley’s suburbs.

10:12PM

 

**Roxy Lalonde’s POV:**

After 2 hours of walking around in search for candy, you three arrived at the mansion and started a Halloween movie marathon. You are currently watching Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra fighting against King Ghidorah, and next you will watch Ghostbusters.

“Do you think Dad is okay?” Jude asks.

“Who cares?” Joey replies. “The house is all ours!”

“Joey Claire, don’t talk like that about your father. He may be a dumb dumb, but he is still your father.”

“Is he outside with all the monsters?” Jude really looks worried.

“No, Jude. He is probably at some party with other adults.”

“That sounds broing.” Joey eats a chocolate bar. “Adult parties must be really boring.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Grandpa Harley’s POV:**

“LET’S PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

This is the scariest night in your life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has someone noticed something about Lord English? If you have seen Murder Party you know what I mean.


	6. Vriska of the Dead Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska tries to be the hero, Terezi can't stop shitposting, and John is so done with the shit of these women.

Vriska’s POV:

“I can’t believe this is happening!” John seems to be annoyed.

“Get used to it, Egderp.” Says Terezi while driving. “Who wants to hear Gorillaz on the road?”

“Gorillaz,what the fuck?” Says the purple haired douchebag. “Is there any Queen or Sex Pistols, or anything that is actual music?”

“We are hearing Gorillaz now just because certain hipster is being an idiot.”

“I am a little busy keeping an old man from dying, Tez, so can you just drive and not crash?!”

 

This isn’t how you planned your little heroics to go. You were supposed to drive to mom’s house, kill your asshole stepdad, and rescue your ex and rekindle the flame of love. Now you are inside Scratch’s tight car with your mom, a dying Scratch, your “blood sister”/best friend/girlfriend, your ex boyfriend, and his gay roommates Eridan and Sollux. This is like a clown car, but with a lot of blood.

“I am dying! I am dying!”

“Yes, I heard you, pervert.”

“Are you really *cough* continuing this antagonistic behavior even afterGAHHHAH all these years?!”

“Look, old geezer. I am not keeping you alive because I care about you. I care about my mom, so you better shut the fuck up or you are going to choke on your own blood!”

“Heh *cough* you actually have guts *cagh*.”

“And you look like you are spitting them. Scratch? Earth to Scratch, are you there creepy old man?”

You shake the old man a bit, but suddenly he awakes with eyes that seem to have gone mad.

“Oh shit!”

The old geezer tries to bite you, but you keep him away with you zombie killing cricket stick.

“What is happening to Hal, honey?”

“Mom, he isn’t Hal anymore, and that seems to be an improvement! John, open the right door!”

Just as John opens the door you kick out zombie Scratch outside and close the door.

“Did you just sparta’ed my husband?!”

“Not now, Mom!”

“Guys?”

“You always hated him since we married!”

“Guys?”

“It’s because he is a pervert stereotype! What kind of old man do you think gives candy to strangers?!”

“GUYS!”

“What, Terezi?!”

“We can’t move forward.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John’s POV:

“Is that what I think it is?” You are confused.

“If it is your intelligence, then you are wrong, dude.”

“Ha ha, Terezi. But seriously, I can’t believe this is happening.”

In front of you there’s dozens of zombies blocking your path, and most of them are carrying Brexit banners.

“Oh right, some guys planned a manifestation today. That’s funny.”

“Can’t you just run over the zombies?”

“Are suggesting we kill people, Mr. Egbert? You liberals have no morals!”

“Terezi!”

“Just kidding.”

Terezi accelerates the car and crashes with some zombies on the way.

“Brains… brains… immigrants.”

“Eat… people… muslim ban…”

She even takes pics with her phone.

“Hashtag: #REVENGEOFTHELEFT.”

“Terezi, can you stop being a fool and just drive?” shouts your ex. “We seriously need to arrive at Margarita Land in one piece.”

“Why are we even going to Margarita Land of all places?”

“I am more a Pina Colada guy.” Sollux says out of nowhere. “What? I do drink alcohol.”

“Because it’s safe, we know the place…”

“And it has a bathroom where I can vape.”

“Not now, Terezi.”

“You do realize we could have gone to the U.N.’s safe zone, right?”

“You depend too much on globalism, Egbert.”

“NOT NOW, TEREZI!” shout both you and Vriska.

“Jesus, you two need to get laid.”

“I am here, Tez.” Says Vriska’s mom.

“I know, but we are adults here. Who else thinks these two should get laid?”

Everyone except John and Vriska raise their hands.

“I can help with that if anyone want.”

“Not now, Eridan! John, we both have gone to Margarita Land for years and we know that place is like a pirate themed fortress. There’s even a sword and cannons there.”

“Aren’t those decorative.”

“The sword is real.” Says Terezi. “I pinched by thump trying to know if it was real and know I have a scar. Want to see?”

“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

“You two really should get laid.”


	7. Hive in the woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The virgin, the bitch, the jock, the geek and the idiot are ready to be sacrificed in the name of the HorrorTerrors that live below the Earth. Let's find out what kind of monster will hunt down the victims.

Rainbow Falls, New York. 2018.

 

**Rose Lalonde’s POV:**

“Come on, Serket. You have been in the bathroom for too long.”

Vriska comes out of the bathroom, and she is followed by John who is zipping his pants.

“Hi, Rose.”

“Hi, John. Seriously?”

“What? He has a nice ass.” Vriska slaps John’s butt and she squeals. “See you on Monday, champion.”

“Can I use the bathroom now or did you forgot to clean it.”

“You need to get laid, Lalonde. Jesus, how long before you ask Maryam out?”

You and Vriska aren’t exactly good friends, and even the concept of friendship is already too stretched. However, you have to share an apartment with her since college dorms are expensive and require a lot of social interactions that you too find annoying.

“Hey, Lalonde. Did you consider my offer?”

“I am expelling shit right now, bitch!”

“C’mon! farming weed isn’t so hard.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Dirk’s POV:**

 

They are late again. Why is it that every time you plan something they don’t follow the schedule?

“Hi, Dirk!”

Here comes your babe.

“I am really excited about this journey, and let me tell I-“

You interrupt Jake with a passionate kiss.

“Woah, you guys should save some for the cabin.” Says Spiderbitch.

“Hello, Serket. Lalonde.”

“Greetings, cousin.”

“Ok, now there’s just one person missing.”

“Guys!”

You all turn in direction of the scream and see Nepeta running at top speed and trying to tackle you and fail.

“I am not Equius and you know that.”

“C’mon, Dirk! When will you let me pounce on you?”

“When you learn to catch me by surprise. Okay, dudes, let’s go. The road is ahead of us.”

“Wow, is this really the RV we are going to travel on?” asks Vriska. “I am impressed. How much did you paid for it?”

“Miss Serket,” says Jake. “I think we all agreed to pay equally for the RV.”

“What?! I don’t remember agreeing to that!”

“You did agree Wiskers.” Nepeta interjects. “But you were drunk and tried to kiss me.”

“Did I even kissed anyone?!”

“You kissed a pet rock and proposed to it.” Says Rose. “That was an interesting case of study.

 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere a few kilometers away in a dark forest.

 

T.E.A.L.S.’ Headquarters

**Tagora Gorjek’s POV:**

 

Like any other day you drive to your work station in a “golf car” along with your work colleague, and like any other day he is being annoying.

“Why is it so difficult for me to get a girlfriend, man?”

 “I don’t really care about your romantic issues.”

“Polypa is the only woman I had a chance with, but I have seen her hang out a lot with that guy of unknown gender. Are they a man, o woman or something else?”

“Heh, maybe she is banging them right now.”

“Don’t say that bro!”

“I am not your bro, and keep your hands away from me while I am driving. I don’t want us to die before any potential end of the world scenario.

“You are right. I should be a professional and don’t let my feelings interrupt me from my sacred duty.”

“I don’t really care about this job, but money is something, and there’s no money if the world ends.”

“Do you think maybe they will take my request for a lamia?”

“You have been asking for a lamia for 5 years.”

“I really want to see a lamia.”

 

Today seems like another work day, but today is different. Today you and your colleagues have to prepare the ritual that will keep the planet safe from the rage of the old gods below the Earth.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tirona Kasund’s POV:**

“Greetings my fellow members of TEALS. As you know, the ritual will start soon, so we better reveal the potential candidates for the monster of the ritual. First we have the Leprechaun, an annoying green asshole that pranks people and murders those he hates. He has so much look that can’t be killed easily.

“1000 to the little guy!”

“I give 2000!”

“Then there’s the Clown. He is madness incarnated and is so unpredictable that you can’t follow the rules of horror to survive his attacks. I really like the style of this guy.”

“1500!”

“Not again! It’s difficult to clean up after that guy!”

“The next monster is the formidable Cans! A massive golem that can break walls with his fists. It’s said that he can punch you so hard you would end a week in the future, but objectively you would die before reaching your destination so people in the future will find your corpse.”

“3000 to the big guy!”

“5000!”

“I hate time travel!”

“And now we have the Demoness! She is so cool! This lady is doomed to suffer until her eventual death, but she is  badass that can kill people with psychic powers. She is responsible for causing three wars and the death of Tupac.”

“Tupac is dead?!”

“And finally, this special group of gentlemen that will give you a feeling of nostalgia and dread.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will let you guess who are the gentlemen.


	8. The Culling Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saving people during a purge is hard. It's hard and nobody understands.

**Xefros’ POV:**

“What do you mean the clowns mobilized to your sector?!” You hear Dammek say on his phone. “This can’t be happening! I was supposed to take down most of them tonight, and your team doesn’t have enough guns to deal with those guys. Understood. Call me if you need anything.”

“Is Ms. Ursama okay, boss?”

“She is in sector 612 and some clown arrived early. It doesn’t make sense that they would skip this part of the city. Something is off.”

“Crap.”

“HELP!!!!”

You hear someone a few meters away screaming and running. It’s a young women holding a teenage boy.

“SOMEONE PLEASE HELP US!”

“We are-“ You are interrupted by the Tetrarch.

He takes a rifle and points at them.

“Do you believe in miracles?”

“What?”

The girl looks confused and seems ready to run away from your front yard.

“Woop woop?”

“Are you going to kill us or what?”

“Okay, she is safe. Let her in, Xefros.”

You open the barricade and help the girl put the kid over a couch. He has a cut in his right arm and a black eye.

“Thank you so much for helping us! We got attacked by those freaks and had to run away.”

“Yeah, the clowns have been an issue, but the boss and I can handle them. Well, mostly him.”

“I don’t know if those that attacked us where clowns. Those that attacked us wore fancy dresses and a lot of gold.”

“GOLD?!”

The Tetrarch starts unpacking a lot of ammunition and loads some rifles and magnums.

“B-Boss, what is happening?””

“Girl, what is your name?”

“Joey Claire.”

“Oh shit, this is why the clowns haven’t come here, Xefros! They know they don’t have a chance against these guys.”

“What guys, sir?”

“Demons themselves.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tegiri’s POV:**

You are already thinking many ways to punish the wicked. 4 months ago they stole from you and made you look weak and pathetic, but tonight the laws of society don’t count, so you can disobey the law without breaking it and get your revenge. No. YOUR JUSTICE!

However, your plans for justice are interrupted by an explosion in a nearby house.

“What the fuck?!”

You see two thugs running away with a bag of what seems like stolen goods. Maybe they came to purge too? Well, they aren’t breaking the law, so you don’t care.

“Mom!”

You hear a voice coming from a window of the house.

“MOM!!!!”

Wait, there’s an actual person alive inside a burning house?! This is like one of your animes where the hero goes to rescue someone from a burning place and comes out with a smile on their face! But-no, you can’t stop your revenge now. You have a duty.

“MOM WAKE UP!”

Oh what the heck. You run to the window where the voice is coming and cover your mouth to avoid breathing the toxic fumes, but then you start feeling the hot air around.

“HOT HOT HOT! This isn’t like in the animes!”

You break the window with your katana and jump into the house. Inside you see a young girl, probably your age, crying over the body of a dead woman.

“Girl, are you okay!”

“Get away from me!”

“I came here to help you!”

“Leave me alone! Mom, wake up!”

“Okay, I am sorry but I have to do this.”

You try to lift the girl, but she struggles.

“MOM! MOM!”

“Listen you brat, your mom is dead!”

She just sniffles and stays silent.

“I am gonna take you out of here before we burn into a crisp.”

“My-my leg is hurt.”

You notice the bruises in her right leg. Those thugs must have injured her.

“Okay, hold on.”

You carry her full body bridal style and return outside from where you came from.

“Whew, I am surprised there wasn’t another explo-“

To your surprise there’s a bigger explosion behind you and your coat catches fire.

“CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Bronya’s POV:**

“Okay, one more time. Push!”

Helping a woman give birth during a purge night is one of the most stressing things of your life. WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO CLOSE HOSPITALS FOR A NIGHT EACH YEAR?!

“Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Weeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Congratulations, it’s a boy.”

You give the baby to the woman in front of you, and she cradles him gently.

“My sweet precious Karako.”

It’s heartwarming knowing that life can happen in the harshest of places, and you feel proud about helping protect it.

“Boss, we have a problem.” Says one of your nurses.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tyzias' POV:**

“Goddammit, I really hate this city?”

You have been walking around the streets looking for the location of the Jade Brigade, but it seems she choose a good place to hide her base. The instructions say she should be three streets from where you are, but there are many blockades that difficult mobility, and Bronya’s team marked on their social networks what streets are safe and which are dangerous.

“Psss.”

You turn tour left and see a bald guy wearing a hoodie. Well, you aren’t certain if they are a guy or a gal. They point a garbage bin like if saying you have to go there, but you just ignore them.

“Dude, I am busy.”

Just as you take a step forward, the guy runs to you and takes you by your hand.

“Hey, are you trying to kidnap me or what?”

The guy is really weak, but he tries to pull you behind the bin.

“If you are trying to assault me, you are really lame.”

Then you hear some gunshots and the sound of a heavy vehicle coming close.

“What the-“

The guy covers your mouth and pulls you down and out of the sight of the men marching down.

“Shhhhh….”

They point at a Jade badge on their hoodie.

“Oh, you must be working with Bronya.”

They nod.

“We have to warn them.”

They point at their phone.

“So what do we do.”

They point at the image of a guy with piercings and a hoodie similar to theirs.


	9. Murderstuck Party Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really liked Ant-Man and the Wasp's joke about the truth serum.

**Grandpa Harley’s POV:**

“Okay, I have a thing to confess.”

The small girl takes off her shoes and takes out some toilet paper.

“I use toilet paper to increase my height by half a centimeter, and it really hurts my feet!”

She starts crying, and then the giant clown woman next to her hugs her.

“Wow, this is a good truth serum.”

“For the last time, Chicken guy, the truth serum isn’t real.” Says the guy named Crowbar. “It’s a chemical mixture of that makes part of the human brain susceptible to suggestion.”

“So truth serum?”

“It isn’t truth serum!”

These guys injected themselves with the truth serum and have been revealing embarrassing secrets in a weird spin the bottle game.

“Okay, now it’s your turn pirate bitch! Have you ever made something original in your entire career?”

The pirate girl seems nervous, but she can’t hide what she has been asked.

“Not-not really… Most of what I do is tracing and taking copyrighted material for my own purposes. However, as said by Van Gogh while an artist copies, a genius steals. I am pretty sure Einstein said that.”

You are pretty sure Van Gogh didn’t say that.

“Pirate girl it’s your turn to spin the bottle.” Says the man with the Cairo overcoat.

Once the bottle stops spinning in front of the vampire girl, the girl named Remele smiles widely.

“Okay, cousin. Is there anything you want to say to Chahut?”

The clown turns around with curiosity.

“Oh yeah, but I don’t know if she will like it.” She kind of sounds tipsy. Truth serum and alcohol shouldn’t be consumed at the same time. “I was thinking about expulsing you from the collective.”

“What?!” Screams the little girl.

“Yeah, don’t take it personally, but your work is too colorful and annoying with clown imagery. You do have talent, but it isn’t in line with the aesthetic of our group. I am trying to cultivate a macabre image for fucks sake. Even though… I don’t really like what I do…”

“You suck.” Says the clown woman calmly.

“Okaaaay, WHO IS NEXT? Oh, I have an idea!”

Wait, oh no no no no no! He is approaching you!

“Mmmmhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

“Be calm motherfucker. IT IS JUST LIKE A FLU SHOT!”

“Not really, boss.”

“While the drug is working in his brain, LET’S CONTINUE THIS BITCH TITS PARTY! Your turn, Arjata.”

“It’s Ard…. Nevermind.”

You start feeling dizzy, but you can still pay attention to what is happening.

“Your turn, Galekh. What is the real reason you joined this club?”

“Oh, that’s simple. I don’t really care about making controversial art, nor symbolism, nor rebellion against authorities. I just wanted to prove to my bastard boyfriend that I am a man of cultural sensibilities and not some cold logic grade a student. He thinks I am too straight, even if we have fucked each other for the last 7 months, and it’s becoming annoying how he is kind of an hypocrite if we consider his infatuation with minimalist art and crystals, but I am also creepied out by his vampire fetish that…”

“SHUT UP!”

Everyone, including you with your mouth covered, is really annoyed by this guy.

“Okay okay.” He spins the bottle and it lands on you. “Do you guys think the serum is working now?”

The bodyguard uncovers your mouth and you are free to speak.

“YOU DIRTY SCOUNDRELS SHUCK BUSTERS EVIL DASTARDS VILLANOUS HOOLIGANS HIPPIE QUEERIE SODOMITES-“

The Crowbar bodyguard punches you in the face.

“No homophobic slurs, old man.”

“Chicken dude, ask your wicked question to this geezer.”

“A-ah, why did you come here Mr. Harley? You are a rich man that could be doing anything but going to a party at a warehouse”

“I… I don’t know…”

You look at your feet in defeat.

“Since my Ana died I have been travelling around trying to not think about it, but now that I have returned home it isn’t the same. My daughter doesn’t want me around and my son barely knows me, and why should they care about an old man that left them for years?”

Your eyes are getting teary and you are trying to suppress the pain.

“The truth is that I didn’t want to feel alone. Most of my friends are dead because of old age or disease, and I don’t want to ruin my children’s Halloween. If you… if you decide to kill me… that would be okay because I feel like a ghost in my own house.”

You look up to see the faces of your captors. The Chicken guy looks like what you said hit him hard, the vampire girl looks like she is on the verge of tears, the pirate girl seems bored and is resting her head on her hands, the little girl is looking amused as if you have told her a bed time story and the clown girl looks apathetic as always.

Suddenly, there’s a clap.

“BRAVO BRAVISIMO! That’s more like it, my invertebrother! That is truth and passion, love and hatred, life and death! DESTINY HAS CLEARLY CHOSEN YOUR FOR THIS TRAGEDY, MY FRIEND! The clock is almost at midnight, and soon you will be in THE CLOWN HEAVEN, WHERE THE SOULS AFFECTED BY TRAGEDY GO TO REST IN THE CARROUSEL OF ELYSIUM! Who is next? The old man can’t spin the bottle.”

The chicken man volunteers to spin the bottle for you and it pints in the direction of “Lord English”.

“Ask me anything before you die, Grandpa!”

The chicken guy whispers something in your ear and then goes to sit on his previous position.

“Are you really going to award these youngsters to kill me for art?”

“Galekh, don’t corrupt our victim with your words. THAT WOULD BE MOTHERFUCKING BAD IN YOUR ART RESUME! Ask me something more honest, geezer.”

“O-Okay…” You think deeply about something that could help you delay your death. This Lord English is really freaking you out. Wait. “Are you really Lord English?”

Everyone turn to you in confusion.

“What? Of course I am motherfucking Lord Caliborn English.”

“I mean, first you sir don’t have an European accent.”

“I am not really royalty, dude. I am rich motherfucker from New York.”

“Okay, that makes more sense, since my grandma, may she rest in hell for beating me up, always scared me and my sister with stories about a demon named Lord English, who is an Irish folk monster based on the fear of the evil British Empire.”

“I just thought it would be a fantastic name, asshole.” The guy takes out a knife and points it at your chin. “Any problem with my liking for Irish lore?”

“No, but…”

“BUT WHAT?!”

He presses the knife and draws some blood.

“Twenty-Twenty years ago a mobster by that same name appeared in Brooklyn and caused a wave of deaths, and I don’t think you look old enough to be him.”

The evil man in front of you gets frozen.

“Also, I lied. There’s no such thing as a Lord English folk tale.”

“But the serum….”

“I lied. Your truth serum doesn’t compare to the one my team of scientists made for the FBI, jackass. Also, you didn’t even took the truth serum. Only these idiots wouldn’t notice that you injected the serum to a slice of pizza”

The fake Lord English turns around and looks at really angered young people.

“OH MY GOD, I FUCKED YOU!”

“I am not surprised, cousin.”

The little girl is the one that approaches the mobster furiously. “YOU SIR ARE A LIAR! YOU LYING LIAR! HOW YOU DARE DISRESPECT THE TRUST OF US ARTIST WITH SUCH-“

“Crowbar, shoot!”

The bodyguard shoots at point blank at the head of the little girl and her bits of brain splash over you. ARE THERE ANY MORE HEADS GOING TO EXPLODE IN FRONT OF YOU?!

“Amisia…”

The clown walks silently to her dead girlfriend.

“Amisia…”

“Shoot them all, Crowbar!”

Before the bodyguard can shoot them, he is tackled by the vampire girl, who starts beating him senselessly. Then, the chicken guy goes to you and starts untying you.

“I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry!!!!”

“I will accept your apologize if you untie my faster, young man! Jesus!”

While you are being untied, the bodyguard recovers and starts strangling the Arjata girl, but he is grabbed by the head by the clown girl.

“No.”

“Oh thank you, Cha-aghhh” she takes Arjata with one arm and starts crushing both her and the bodyguard with her own arms.

“I will do it. I WILL MOTHERFUCKING AVENGE AMISIA!!!!”

You can only look in horror as the giant clown woman is slowly breaking the bones of those two and see blood flowing through their mouths.

“There,” The ropes fall from you. “Now run Mr. HarlAGH?!”

The chicken guy is attacked by the black dog that came with Lord English. It’s a gruesome death to have your throat bitten by a dog.

“THAT’S MY BOY JACK! Now it seems I have to kill everyone myself. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY. Have my man Crowbar kill these pretentious college kids and then I can sell their art like some post mortem shit that is valued in millions.”

“That isn’t how art works!” You punch him out with your free right arm.

“Nice punching arm, dude.” English spits blood and then a teeth. “But it doesn’t compare to my knif-AAAAAGHHH.”

He is stabbed in the back by the pirate girl.

“So tell us your real name and I may let you leave.”

“I have been stabbed before, bitcAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”

“What about slicing? Does it feel good to have your belly being opened, Mr. ‘English’?”

“It’s Gamzee! Gamzee.”

“You sad pathetic creature.”

She slices his abdomen and his guts spill on the floor.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” She takes a gun from the floor and shoots at the dog that was still eating Galekh’s face. “Now I have to resign from PETA.”

“Oh, I never liked PETA young la…”

Why is she pointing the gun at you? The evil man is dead.

“Don’t get hopeful, Mr. Harley. This is now a ransom, and I want my money tonight, or you aren’t seeing your kids again. And I am not forgetting you either, Chahut.”

She points at the clown girl carrying a clown pin and the corpse of her girlfriend over one of her shoulders.

“I will rip your head apart, motherfucker.”

“Try it and I will blow up your lesbian balls.”

“I really don’t think we should be continuing this fight, young ladies.”

“You and your cousin caused this to my Amisia.”

“Shut up you two! Chahut, we could make a deal out of this situation. We could make millions in one night. More than this Lord Engl-“

“I want to break your neck and burn your body so that-“

“Are you listening to yourselves, youngsters?! I just want to return to my home!”

“Now you want to be alive, you pussy?! You begged use to die just a few minutes ago and-“

“INSTEAD OF KILLING YOU IT WOULD BE BETTER TO BREAK YOUR FINGERS AND KEEP YOU ALIVE SO YOU CAN’T-“

“You are sick, lady! You are sick!”

“The world is sick! This is reality! Nobody really car-“

“AND FEED YOU TO LEECHES WHILE YOU SCREAM FOR-“

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

“GADZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think won this Mexican standoff?


	10. Vriska of the Dead Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terezi, why?!

Margarita Land: Bar and Bistro

 

**Vriska’s POV:**

“Okay, we have the doors barricaded, the fake canons in the roof are in position, and we have a refrigerator filled with Mexican food and a lot of alcohol.” You say out loud. “I am sure we can survive a few weeks while the British army kills all the zombies.”

“I can’t believe we are safe in the place I didn’t want to return.” Said John. “Wait, wasn’t this place run by some old man with bad attitude?”

“You mean old man Slick?” asks your mom. “That old bastard is probably chugging a bottle of whisky right now.”

“Snooo….”

You and the rest of your party look the source of the sound and see a zombified Spades Slick limping from behind the counter.

“Or he probably sleeps in his own bar because he can’t afford a flat. What a loser.”

“Isn’t anyone going to kill the zombie geezer?” asks Ampora.

“Nah, he looks like a crippled freak with half of his body mutilated by war. We can just ignore him.”

“Again with the ableism?”

“John, I am not being ableist when I insult a zombie, but I must said he is going to need a _hand_ to get us. Hehe.”

“Hey sis, can I borrow a coin.”

“Not now, Terezi.”

Sollux starts poking the crippled zombie with a pool stick and Ampora is taking pictures and your mom starts smoking. You see John chuckle a bit.

“While you guys are having fun desecrating the body of an old man I will check if I can turn on the light and if there aren’t any places where the zombies would crawl in.”

“John.”

“Yes, Vriska?”

“Be safe.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**John’s POV:**

When you imagined a zombie outbreak you thought about an action adventure where people become hardened badasses that have to deal with depression and the loss of loved ones. So far it has been more like a romantic comedy.

“Ok, here’s the power switch.”

You activate the switch and the machinery starts working. You hope it doesn’t attract the zombies.

“That was easy.”

You turn on the light and see through a window a bunch of zombies pressing their faces against the glass.

“Nope!”

You turn off the lights, go out of the room and barricade the door with a chair.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Vriska’s POV:**

“What do you mean you were bitten?!” you ask your mom angrily.

“I don’t know. That guy just bit me randomly in my hand.”

“Mom, how is it possible you don’t know how zombie diseases spread?!”

“I don’t watch horror movies that much. I am more into film noir.”

“Is everything okay?” John enters the room.

“No, John! My mom was bitten by a zombie and she didn’t tell me until now.”

“Can I borrow a coin now?”

“Just take my purse for all I want. I don’t know why you want a coin anyway. We are so screwed right now.”

“So, do we kill your mom?” asks Ampora, and as a response you all glare at him. “What, I thought that is what people do in zombie movies.”

“Maybe you can cut her hand to avoid an infection?” Asks Sollux. “It didn’t work on The Walking Dead’s Video game, but it could work in real life, right?”

“I am not amputating my hand! I have dignity.”

“Your hand looks gross, mom!”

“And so are my lungs after 8 years of cigarettes. At least I am going to die before cancer kills me.”

“You have cancer?!”

“Vriska?”

“What, John?!”

“I forgot to tell you there’s some zombies close to the windows of the machine room and we probably should escape.”

“What?! Okay, let’s see the situation. Those things aren’t going to find us unless something attracts them.”

“Hey, this jukebox has the recent album of Gorillaz.”

“TEREZI, NO!!!!!!!!” You all scream just as Terezi puts a coin in the jukebox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who would have thought The Now Now would doom people on a zombie outbreak?


	11. Hive in the woods part 2

**Tagora’s POV:**

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, the sacrifices are in place.” You say through your microphone. “Let’s give the Old Ones a show.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Vriska’s POV:**

“Yay, forest!” Screams Nepeta while running outside of the RV.

“Don’t go to far or Equius is going to kill us.”

“Relax, Serket.” Says the Strider that is out of the closet. “There’s no bears nor wolves in this region, and I doubt any monster would harm that girl.”

“Did she just climbed a tree?” asks Jape English.

This place looks like a mess. The cabin in front of you seems old and dirty, there’s no signs of people being here in a long time and… wait, there’s something familiar about this.

“Guys!”

Your friends turn around.

“Has anyone watched Evil Dead?”

Lalonde raises an eye brow.

“This place looks exactly like the set of the 2013 remake.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tagora’s POV:**

“What the fuck is happening?! Who was the idiot that was supposed to give the bitch the mental buffer shampoo?!”

“Sir, the _whore_ hasn’t used that shampoo in months.” Answers a subordinate. “She actually gave the shampoo as an improvised birthday gift.”

“To whom?!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Rose’s POV:**

“Hey Rose, what do you think of my new blonde hair?” Nepeta takes off her cat hat and reveals a new yellowish hair color. “Now we look like twins!”

“I would like you as a twin instead of my current closeted twin.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:16 PM

A few minutes before the ritual starts.

 

**Dirk’s POV:**

“I-I really needed this, Dirk.”

“Shoosh, pumpkin.” You smack your lips against your boyfriend’s.

You have been extremely horny since you got here, or maybe you just wanted to tap that ass just once today. Yes, that is more possible than a sudden urge to fornicate because of something in the air.

“Hee-hee.”

“Did you hear that, Dirk?”

“It was probably Nepeta in the other room. Don’t mind her.”

You continue kissing him and put your hand inside his pants.

“Hey cat girl, do you have any… are you watching the gay dudes having sex through an inverse mirror?!”

You and Jake froze up and turned in the direction where Nepeta’s room should be.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Vriska’s POV:**

“Okay, the show is over little fujoshi. Strider seems angry.”

“I didn’t knew! I just saw the mirror and they were already kissing!”

“Serket, can you cover than mirror. Me and Jake don’t want this creepy girl spying on us.”

“I am not creepy!”

“Why is everyone screaming?” Rose appears.

“Nepeta was watching Strider and Jape being frisky like a voyeur.”

“It was an accident!”

“Whoa, is that an inverse mirror?” Rose asks. “Aren’t those made for security or something?”

“If you think that is weird, you should see all these hidden bugs I found.” Says Strider. “I was looking for anything suspicious since Serket commented on the Evil Dead remake, and found electronic components laying around.”

“I even found one in the lamp in my room” you say.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Tagora’s POV:**

“They found the bugs?!”


	12. Murderstuck Party The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandpa Harley learned what it feels to be the prey of a hunter.

November 1st

All Saints’ Day

 

**Joey Harley’s POV:**

“Jake, Jake, wake up!”

You wake up your brother by shaking him.

“Whaaa…”

“Wanna eat candy for breakfast? Roxy is still asleep and dad isn’t on sight.”

You pull your little sibling through the stairs and into the kitchen but try to not make noise so your babysitter doesn’t notice. She probably wouldn’t mind you two taking a few chocolate bars early in the morning.

“I can’t wait to eat a Baby Ruth-Dad?”

“You want to eat dad?!”

“No, look at Dad.”

Your dad is laying on a sofa asleep and is covered in something that looks like blood. It is probably part of his costume since there’s no way he could… wait a minute.

“Dad!”

You shake the old man in hopes of waking him up and getting some answers.

“Dad Dad Dad Dad!!!!”

“Huh?”

“Please tell me you didn’t went hunting again!”

“What is going on?” You hear Roxy coming downstairs. “Joey, it’s too ear-Mr. Harley!”

She runs to your dad and starts looking at his reddish face.

“What happened to you?!”

“Dad killed an animal!”

“What?! How can you get covered in deer blood?!”

“I-I didn’t kill a deer… Roxy, can you take care of the children? I-I…have something-something to take care of.”

Your dad stands up but is having difficulties. His legs are shaking and you notice there’s injuries on them.

“Dad?”

“Don’t worry, Joey. I will return this time.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Grandpa Harley’s POV:**

“I guess this is the end.”

“Mr. Harley?” you hear Roxy coming from behind you.

You proceed to ignite a spark and send everything to burn.

“Are you burning a bunch of dead animals?”

“I am burning my trophies.”

“Why?”

You look at all those dead beings and remember what you saw yesterday.

“I just saw what I have been doing… to me… to Joey… to Jude… to others.”

“What happened last night?”

“I was close to being a trophy myself.”


	13. Vriska of the Dead Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I want a Cornetto.

**Tyzias’s POV:**

“Okay squad, take them down!”

You order your men to shred the zombies with all the fire power at your disposition. For some reason most of the zombies in this area are concentrated in this location that seems like a Mexican restaurant with terrible advertising.

“Death… to Islam…”

“No more… European… Uni-“ You smack the head of a zombie with your rifle and break it’s skull.

“Gentlemen, look for survivors and be careful, we don’t know how many of these xenophobic zombies are still roaming around. Witnesses reported survivors riding a car in this direction and the vehicle at the entrance matches the description.”

As you enter the restaurant you see two zombies biting each other in what seems like a passionate yet gory porn scene.

“*Bites* Bitch… *Bites*”

“*Bites* Jerk… *Tears flesh*”

You don’t really want to know how this happened?

“Sir, the thermic vision has shown living people in the next room.”

“Ok, let’s-“

“Sir, wait!”

Once you open the door you see something you weren’t expecting.

“What the fuck?!”

“Hi….” Says a blue eyed man in the middle of two women (you don’t know how is that possible) and you also look at a guy with 3D colored glasses having a purple haired guy below his crotch.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” Says the long haired girl below the blue eyed guy.

“It is what it looks like.” Says the girl at the top.

“Can you all horny idiots get something to cover and get out of this place? I am trying to be a professional here, and now I have to do a lot of a paperwork that includes a threesome sandwich and a guy on guy blowjob. Seriously, what is wrong with you people?”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8 months later.

 

**Vriska’s POV:**

“I am amazed about all these reality shows with zombies.” You say to your boyfriend and “sis”/girlfriend.

“After most of the staffs of Total Wipeout and Britain Got Talent became zombies, the BBC decided to recover all the lost money.” Says John.

“Who cares about the BBC?” Says Terezi. “I want to see America’s favorite show.”

“And now here is the Zombie Trump comedy hour.”

“I… make wall… Mexicans… eat brains…”

“Hehe. This is better than The Apprentice.”

It has been 8 months since the zombie apocalypse stopped, and things returned to normal. And with normal you mean worrying about global warming and the rise of right wing fascists, but that is one thing to prepare for the future. Right now you have your boyfriend back and Terezi plans you two to take on Egbert’s ass with your new strap on. You have all the luck. All of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyzias knows the pain of paperwork that Nicolas Angel has to experience.

**Author's Note:**

> The Murder Party parody will be continued in the next chapter.


End file.
